The Advice shared by My Father That Helped Us when I became a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth soon became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a larger failure to talk between men, who often absorb negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a few days away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad actions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."